Tweet, Tweet, Tweet Goes the Twitters

As hard as it is to believe, being as funny as I am (pats self on back), I have relatively few followers on Twitter. I know, I know it is difficult to believe . I mean, after all, someone with my obvious powers of wit and charm should be able to elicit a grand following without much effort - but sadly, that is not the case.

In order to combat this fact, I've decided to create a Top 20 list describing all the means necessary to propel oneself into Twitter stardom - or as it is known, the twittersphere.

Once in the twittersphere, you will find yourself in the presence of, non-other then: Wil Wheaten, Brittany Spears, MC hammer, Scott Bourne, "Weird" Al, William Shatner, Greg Grunberg, LeVar Burton and Brent Spiner - all of which, have never replied to me. Not once. Man I suck.

So here's my Top 20 list, as recently posted on Twitter.

1. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.1 Twitter at peak times. By "peak times" I mean "the time during the day when NOT @ your computer".
   
   
2. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.2: Be famous. People will follow you in HOPES that at some point THEY will get the @ at THEM.
   
   
3. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.3: Give stuff away. Done. I gave away FREE AIR to everyone in the Twittersphere. New followers = 0.
   
   
4. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.4: Have something useful to say. Well, I say "Follow me". See there, that is useful to ME.
   
   
5. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.5: Post links to stuff that either does not exist yet or that no one can afford, except the No.2s
   
   
6. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.6: Eat lots of greens & fiber. It may not help you get followers, but a good BM is it's own reward.
   
   
7. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.7: "RT" all the stuff you were too lame to come up with on your own. 2nd hand fame. For the WIN!
   
   
8. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.8: Blog where U post about Twitter. Twitter about your blog where U post about Twitter. Repeat.
   
   
9. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.9: eMail EVERYONE of your contacts. Say "All U did to me will be forgiven if U follow me. NOW!"
   
   
10. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.10: Run around your 'hood, naked wearing a cape & flippers. Pics on the web gets U closer to No.2
    
    
11. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.11: Tweet till your fingers bleed. Dismiss No.s 1-10. It's all about post quantity NOT quality.
    
    
12. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.12: Hire the "Fail Whale" to eat Wil Wheaton @wilw. Gather his followers as they look 4 guidance.
    
    
13. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.13: #everything! #your dog. #your momma. #your meat. Oh, your sick just for THINKING that. Weirdo!
    
    
14. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.14: Go to Panda Express & threaten to pee in the lemonade unless all there follow U. Do it anyway.
    
    
15. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.15: Post on Craigslist the following: "MWM seeking Twitter peeps. It will not violate your parole."
    
    
16. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.16: Create a "Top ways to get followers on Twitter:" list ... and be funny, damn it. ©Mr. Joatmon.
    
    
17. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.17: Tweet to yourself. ie: @MrJoatmon blah blah blah. It may not help but people will be like, WTF?
    
    
18. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.18: Use Cash4Gold. Sell wife's ring. Take $ and buy 51% of Twitter stock. Your company, your rules.
    
    
19. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.19: Pay nude skydivers to fall over the Vatican in @MrJoatmon formation. The Pope loves that stuff.
    
    
20. Top ways to get followers on Twitter. No.20: After making a "Top 20" list, RT it in its entirety for all who missed it the 1st time. WIN!

So, does the top twenty list work? Well, during the time I posted the list, My followers increased by a staggering 400%, bringing me to an all time high of ten. Go me!

Special update: since writing this post, my followers have dropped 10%. 10%, in ten minutes! Man, these people are fickle! Do they do that to you too? How do you take it? Are you made of Kevlar? Steal? Titanium? Adamantium? Share, will ya!?